The Major Arcana of the Tarot cards can be interpreted as an allegory of spiritual progress, from naive spirit in Guv to final consumation in Nirvana. It can be described in a “scientific”, schematic way, as I did in the previous essay (“Passages”): Incarnation, Symmetry-breaking, Gender Identification, Socialization, Love-making, Ambition, Nonviolent strength, Helping others, Mid-life maturity, Wisdom, Conversion, Transfiguration, Non-attachment, Temptation, Enlightenment, Initiation, Liberation, Awakening, Nirvana. However, it can also be told as a story, which is probably more interesting, though less generalized. I will tell the story in a sketchy way, inventing some incidents to illustrate the stages, and referring to some of the symbols and pictures on the cards (the Rider deck). I will teU it in the first person singular, although it is not at all autobiographical. I have not progressed anywhere near the end of this trail, nor did these events happen to me.

THE FOOL — O.

I was a restless soul in Guv, which is the realm of the unborn. I knew nothing about the world. I was innocent and naive — which is the same thing. Life was pleasant and placid, but too languid and boring. I craved adventure, which I thought would be weird beyond my imagination. I heard stories of other souls in Guv which got restless like this; one day they disappeared and no one ever saw them again. I wondered endlessly what might have happened to them. I was not scared by the horror stories that were told about these disappearances.

I often went for long walks along the trails of Guv, with my bundle and my dog. This was conducive to thinking and day-dreaming. Then one day I came to a cliff beyond which I could see nothing recognizable. “That’s it!” I thought, with great exhilaration, preparing to jump. “Here I go into an unimaginable adventure. “

“Don’t jump, you fool!” I heard a warning voice behind me. “That way lies great peril, trials and tribulations. You will lose all calm and contentment, and what’s more, you will lose your innocence. Down there is the vale of tears. Tears will drown your dreams and cloud your vision until you lose your way!”

But another voice cried: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. There is joy and ecstasy in that vale as well as pain and agony, there is laughter as well as tears. You cannot have one without the other. And you must pass through this vale of experience to learn the lessons of life. This is the only road to Knowledge — like the Tree of Life, the Tree of Good and Evil. Do you want to remain forever ignorant, or would you rather become wise as the gods?”

The voice ended with a hiss, and I saw that the words were spoken by a snake in the grass — the same snake that had spoken to Eve in the Garden. I did not heed the first voice. I wanted passionately both tears and joys (though I hardly knew what they meant), and I wanted life and knowledge, whatever they may be. I walked off the cliff, and I fell avery long way for a very long time. I was in free-fall for decades or centuries or aeons — I don’t know, for I had no real conception of time. When I came to, I was a new- born babe. My spirit had been incarnated in matter — a special kind of living matter called flesh and blood.

THE MAGICIAN — 1.

My first task was to establish a connection — many connections — between myoid and my new home, old and new mode of existence, the Guv and the Earth, Spirit and Matter. I held up a candle in my right hand to the sky whence I had come and pointed my left hand to the ground to take root here. My body became like a conductor of electrical energy, in this case spiritual energy, to flow from on high into matter. It was like the finger of God touching the finger of Adam, to transmit life into his clay from the primal source. The Magic of Life provided the bridge; the flesh was prepared enough, primed to receive and process this influx.

The second task was to become adapted to living in this new material body. When you first move into new living quarters, you have to unpack your boxes and arrange the furniture. I was still very new and naive about this world, hardly knew what to do. I was forced to take a first breath, and then had to keep breathing — it was like an addiction, and I knew that the withdrawal symptoms would be horrendous ifl ever stopped. My body rearranged itself to fit in with the breathing rhythm, and could never rearrange back: it was committed. I was shocked and perplexed and I cried and wailed in distress. These were my first tears in the Vale of Tears, and a suitable entrance into it. But to my surprise, those around me were happy. So perhaps it was all right.

Soon I tasted milk and became addicted to food and drink as well. I craved a “fix” at regular intervals and cried to get it. It was promptly provided, and so I came to know the “milk of human kindness”. I was among my own kind, and I developed a basic trust that my family would nourish and protect me. .

As if by magic, I had been transformed from Zero to One — from non-existence to existence. It was my first great victory.

THE HIGH PRIESTESS — 2.

I was a little girl growing up in a family with two older children. I was impulsive and did whatever first came to mind. But my father, mother, sister and brother soon let me know the limits: not all actions were permitted and only some were encouraged. I resisted this guidance sometimes and was punished, while I was rewarded for following directions and pleasing my family.

I was gaining knowledge of Good and Evil at a very basic level. It appeared to me as a white pillar and a black pillar between which I was sitting. I was attracted to both at times, but I gradually realized that they were not the same, they were opposites. Thus I learned the meaning of “opposite”. Through my experience with my parents and siblings, and the rewards and punishments I received at their hands, I found myself attracted to the white pillar and repelled by the black pillar. But in the deep recesses of my mind there remained a residual attraction to the black pillar. I came to call this “my shadow”. It was like that forbidden fruit again, and the curiosity that made Pandora open the forbidden box — and the reptile voice that had made me jump into this world. This has been called Temptation — but perhaps it is the call to try something new occasionally rather than always conforming to . what is accepted and rewarded.

This distinction between Good and Evil was like a basic symmetry-breaking in the unity of my previous world, as in the primordial separation of strong and weak nuclear forces after the Big Bang origin of the Universe. I had progressed from Unity to Duality — from One to Two. I was already beyond the binary system of Zero and One choices, more than a computer or thinking machine. Higher complexity was just beyond the horizon. Magic forces of the Moon and the Cross and the Crown were helping me find my way through the maze, just on the edge of Chaos.

EMPRESS AND EMPEROR — 3 and 4.

Gradually I realized that, as a girl, I was like my mother and unlike my father. Gender identification became a basic ingredient of my developing personality. This was another duality, but not of opposites: unlike Good and Evil, Male and Female were a complementary duality, like Yin and Yang. I identified with Female, but was attracted to Male; no repulsive force was involved. The distinction was not purely spiritual, but was embedded deep in the physical body, in genes, hormones, and organs, as well as in social norms and expectations.

In those years I was in love with my father. He called me the most beautiful girl on earth and constantly told me how he adored me. He looked for me first when he came home from work. I loved his compliments and endearments. I loved my mother too, of course, but sometimes I thought that she took up too much of my father’s time, and I was almost jealous, but not really. I could see that all of us within the family loved each other in different ways — except for the occasional sibling fights.

I looked to my mother as a model of what I would one day become when I grow up. Almost without knowing it, I adopted her ways of doing things; not only how she carried out her daily tasks, but also how she handled and resolved those unavoidable sibling fights, and how she strove for justice when meting out rewards and punishments. I think I learned more than I will ever know, just from observing her gentle loving ways.

When I found out how male and female physical bodies make babies, I thought that this was extremely beautiful. My school mates sometimes snickered about it, but I had a totally different appreciation ofit. I was to find out much more about this from experience in my later years, but I never felt at all negative about it.

In the meantime, I learned about other aspects of life when I entered school. Not all of this concerned the three Rs and other school subjects.

THE HIEROPHANT — 5.

At school I learned to conform and obey, to be like others rather than following my own inclinations. I would try to imitate teachers, but also schoolmates and playmates. I wanted to be a member of my group. I craved approval, praise, popularity. I wanted good marks and success, prowess in sports, many friendships. Not all of this was possible because of limitations of time and capability, but I wanted it all.

Well, I didn’t get it all. One year I studied hard and did poorly in sports competitions. Another year I trained hard and my marks slipped. Then I fell in love with music and everything else went by the board. I had to learn, the hard way, to pick and choose, to specialize.

I was not very popular with a set of children who concentrated on parties and having a good time. I was too achievement-oriented, and they called me a “brown”. So again, while Iwanted popularity as well as achievement, I found out that I had to choose, I couldn’t have it all.

THE LOVERS — 6.

At age 15 I fell in love for the first time, with a wonderful boy. The gender difference that once separated and distinguished my father and mother in my mind now came together as a union blessed by the Angel. We stood naked in each other’s sight, in the Angel’s sight, and in the sight of God. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. For two whole years we were inseparable, did absolutely everything together, from homework to weekend fun.

I was heart-broken when he moved away, halfway across the continent. I thought I would die, but I didn’t. We wrote long letters to each other at first, but after about a year the letters stopped. Other events crowded out the letter writing, and we also grew estranged, no longer knew really what to say. I lost track of him, don’t even know where he is now and what he is doing.

And so duality took another turn in my experience. We had been complementary, but such complementarity is not necessarily permanent. The “love game” involves “partners gained and partners lost”, as I was to find out. Yet too many changes of partners take away some of the depth and beauty of each relationship. They should be at least semi-permanent. And at the time you are in love, you must be totally immersed and believe in eternal permanence, or the total flavour and sweetness never comes through.

Of course, you pay for this with tears afterwards: “when a lovely flame dies, tears get in your eyes”. This IS a Vale of Tears, after all. Oh, but what joy and sweetness in between! It does seem like a good bargain.

THE CHARIOT — 7.

In time I was old enough to take charge of my own life. I was through school and university, and I left my family home to pursue my chosen career in another city. I was self-confident and ambitious, ready to conquer the world, in figurative terms.

I felt that I had enough self-control to harness the forces of Good and Evil, like a white and black horse, to pilll my chariot, while I steered it determinedly toward my goal. I saw that duality from another angle again. I became somewhat (though not entirely) ruthless in climbing the ladder of success. I was competitive, but still friendly to people and willing to help them to reach their goals as long as it did not interfere with mine. I felt that I could use both the Forces of Darkness and the Forces of Light and remain in charge.

I was a law partner in a big law firm, and I dealt daily with heads of corporations and with politicians. One day I conceived the idea of running for political office (the provincial legislature) for one of the big political parties. I got the nomination and devoted a lot of energy to the election campaign. I visualized myselfto become Prime Minister of Canada one day, maybe even the first woman to do so.

Alas, I was disappointed. I lost the election to my opponent from the other big party, an incumbent and well-known in the riding. I was learning not to be over-confident and over-ambitious. I went back to my law practice and continued to do very well. I married a rich businessman, lived in a big house, and eventually gave birth to a son and then a daughter. I am not sure I loved my husband with a great passion, but we got along just fine, and things went smoothly, which is all I wanted, and all he expected from me.

STRENGTH — 8.

Since I lost the election, it became clear to me that I should no longer rely on what I called “the Forces of Darkness”. It is not that I did anything grossly unethical in that campaign, but I did compromise on some of my political principles in backing what I thought would please the voters. Increasingly, this now seemed wrong to me. I should stand up like a rock for what I believed in, though remaining open to other people’s suggestions and ideas. I should not use expediency and opportunism, not bend my principles even for what seemed like worthy ends.

I found my new strength in truth and nonviolence. I found it very strong indeed. I could transform supposed “enemies” into friends; in a way, close the. lion’s mouth with gentle persuasion. I made a career change and became a teacher of young children. I also became very devoted to my own children, and paid a lot of attention to their intellectual and moral education.

THE HERMIT — 9.

Shortly after, my husband died. He was much older than I. My son and daughter were now teenage and I got them launched into their higher education and professions. What I most wanted for myself in my “empty nest” was to share my life experiences to benefit others. I continued to teach part- time, did some volunteer work. Eventually I changed again to a third career and started a program of private consulting for people in trouble. I charged only minimum fees, adjusted to each client’s circumstances. I had inherited a sizeable estate from my husband and no longer needed to earn a lot of money.

I learned to live alone and like it. I could read and go to concerts. and plays and travel as I wished. But always I was on the look-out for people who might need my help or advice, and this happened quite often.

WHEEL OF FORTUNE — 10.

I felt self-fulfilled and mature. I felt that I have now learned all the lessons that life had to give. I had gone from childhood through the crises of identity, intimacy, and generativity, all the way to integration; and from basic needs satisfaction to self-actualization. Did I not go as far as I could go in self- development?

I could not have been more wrong. I was less than halfway through, and the most strenuous part, that of spiritual development, was still ahead of me. I knew how to operate in this world to the benefit of myself and others, but I had no idea where I fitted in with the Universe. This type of knowledge, I found to my sorrow, could only be acquired through further trials and sufferings, far beyond what I had gone through before. It was to be a steep upward path with many dangers lurking in the thickets. But the reward at the end of the road would be worth it.

But for the moment, at least, I was on a calm mid-life plateau, feeling that life had treated me kindly and taught me many things. It was the end of the first era of growth.

JUSTICE — 11.

The next step was mild enough. I learned not only to distinguish Good and Evil, not only to control them for steering my own life, not only to be helpful to other persons, but also to apply them to larger social issues. In a way I re-entered politics, but this time not as a candidate seeking election, but as a senior administrator.

The decisions were difficult and harrowing, not simply black or white, but multiple shades of gray. But someone had to decide, for example about user fees in the national health plan, or about fostering employment in the paper industry as opposed to saving the forests. I had to trust my ethical judgment to make such difficult decisions with as much fairness and authority as I could muster, supported by arguments from scientific and legal experts of all kinds and from all sides.

I did not believe that justice should be blind, and I paid attention to the particular human and natural needs that each different situation demanded. I had considerable power: my decisions were not final, but they carried weight. This no longer worried me. I thought that I could carry out these tasks as well as anyone, and I conscientiously did the best I could. It was not perfect, but one cannot do more.

THE HANGED MAN — 12.

Then a scandal wrecked my department, and the person concerned shifted all the blame unto me, though I had done no wrong. I was dragged through the courts and the newspaper columns, and my name and my reputation were besmirched. My orderly world was turned upside down.

But I found a totally new outlook on life from this changed perspective. I realized that my inner peace and sense of worth need not at all depend on the judgment of others, and that even striving to do good works is not the centre of being. The real centre is faith, total faith in my deep connection to a Higher Power. I underwent a religious conversion, which re-centred my life as if I was born again. From this perspective, the sufferings of this world no longer mattered so much. Yet I was still somewhat attached to the things of this world, as I later found out — to my style of living and to my children.

DEATH — 13.

But further severe trials lay ahead. I found a lump in my breast, and it was breast cancer. I had to have an operation followed by radio-therapy. This was traumatic and made me very sick. I sometimes prayed for death, but it did not come. I recovered — first to be considered in remission, but then declared free of it.

Just as I was recovering, I received the news of the death of my son in a car accident. I nearly went out of my mind. It is far more painful to lose a child than to lose a parent or even a husband. My new religious faith was severely tested. Why did this happen just now, when I finally believed? Yet I dimly perceived that it was some further test of strength. I still had my daughter and grandchildren, and I was able to undergo transformation to live for them, in spite of my losses.

TEMPERANCE -14.

I was now learning that transformation is not a single unique event, but a prolonged, arduous process. My guardian angel taught me to pour my energies from concerns that were failing or terminating to concerns that were budding or beginning — a quasi-natural cycle. That way I was never totally depressed or elated, could remain serenely on an even keel. The Angel taught me the secrets of birth and death, and calm acceptance of both.

THE DEVIL — 15.

Into this calm illumination, fate tossed a bombshell: I fell madly in love with a married man. There we stood again, naked like the Lovers so long ago, but now the Devil was in attendance, not the Angel. I knew again with great acuteness the reality of Good and Evil.

The problem was that I knew intimately my lover’s wife: she was my best friend. I knew that this affair would hurt her deeply, and it was inconceivable that I could do this to her. Yet I could not bear the thought of parting forever from my lover. I was an older woman now, and this was my last chance at love fulfillment. I found that, in spite of what I thought was my conversion and transformation, I was not yet pure. This temptation that challenged my will was very difficult to overcome.

Yet overcome it I did. I slipped the chains of passion from my neck and departed. I changed everything: sold the house and moved to another town without leaving my forwarding address.

THE TOWER — 16.

The second temptation was even stronger. In my new location, I tried to establish myself by investing in a housing development. A lot of poor families lived there, and I tried to be a kind and considerate landlady to them.

But then an opportunity developed that was difficult to resist. A developer offered to buy the property for a vast amount of money — much more than I had paid for it. I was no longer as wealthy as I used to be, and this money would have assured my future in old age. However, the developer intended to remove the housing units and build a huge office tower at the site. At this time of high rents, the poor families who would be evicted would find it very difficult to find affordable alternative housing. Some of them might find themselves homeless — even the very small children. I could not bear the thought — and yet the money was so tempting!

While I was stewing about this, I had a dream, in which the little children whom I knew quite well were being thrown out of the windows of a burning office tower. I woke up screaming. I ran to the telephone and firmly told the developer it’s no deal. The poor families and their children could stay.

I had overcome another great temptation. I now knew that I was through with materialism, possessiveness, and greed.

THE STAR — 17.

With the overcoming of the double trauma of lust and greed, my mind cleared. I experienced what I called Enlightenment. I knew that “following my Star” did not mean only an earthly career or earthly ambitions or even earthly happiness. I felt that I was destined for higher things. Instead of meting out justice by reapportionment of a limited resource (like pouring water from one jug to another), I learned to pour out love indiscriminately from an inexhaustible source, on rich and poor alike, on young and old, on the solid earth and the fluid water — an unconditional Love.

In practical terms, this meant that I shared whatever worldly goods I had left with the poor families in my beloved housing development, which became like an extended home to me. I gave out long-term low-interest or no-interest loans to my friends as they needed them. They usually did not want outright gifts, to preserve their dignity. I shared their joys and sorrows in return, and we spent many good times together.

But I did not forget my distant daughter and grandchildren, and I visited them often.

THE MOON — 18.

Then a strange thing happened. The magic that I originally experienced as a little girl learning to distinguish Good and Evil returned, and it was as if I was in for some intense learning again, watched over by the mysterious Moon as before.

It was the time of my Initiation into ancient secret and sacred mysteries that I am not allowed to reveal. During long and arduous meditation sessions, I learned about amazing phenomena that most people never see, and I realized that this earthly world is really only “Maia”, a kind of a dream or illusion. The Super-real can be revealed to a pure mind that trains itself to see through the Cloud of Unknowing.

Two dogs baying at the Moon, and two pillars again, revived the notion of Duality, but the colour contrasts were much less extreme, as if a blending was about to occur — a “Mother and Child Reunion” of myself with the Earth Goddess.

THE SUN — 19.

When this Union happened — and I cannot reveal how, nor could I describe it even if allowed to do so — I entered into a state of Liberation. Everything was suddenly easy. I could ride a white horse bare- back and naked (no saddle or clothes) and I was like a child again. I remembered a Bible verse “and a little child shall lead them”. Everything was as free and natural as the sunflowers turning their radiant faces to the Sun. I was Gaia’s child, reconciled to Earth, Moon and Sun, thoroughly at home in the solar system.

But one more reconciliation awaited me — the most glorious of all.

JUDGMENT — 20.

When the Archangel blew the trumpet, the dead rose up from their graves. That is how I felt in my Awakening. That is all I can call it! My whole long and eventful life had been like a dream compared to this. Now I was touching bedrock reality. My reconciliation with the God of the entire Universe was at hand, and I beheld His radiant face.

THE WORLD — 21.

Now I am in Eternity, in Nirvana, partaking of the eternal dance of change and pennanence reunited. Eternity is as different from Earth as Earth is from Guv. In Guv I was blissful but innocent. On Earth I enjoyed, suffered, and learned. In Eternity I am blissful again, but no longer naive. I know everything, feel everything, experience everything, lack nothing. Even time does not flow any more. I am in a state of Pure Being.

When I contemplate the stepping stones over which I had come, I thank God personally (He is so close to me) that I took the jump of a Fool. It is only the passage through the Flesh that can transfonn the Spirit.